Let’s talk about how to use the individual habit builder in managing conflict.

We’re going to ask the same basic questions, but it can help guide you as to how to manage a difficult situation. Here’s an example. Something goes wrong at work and it’s not clear whose fault it is. But you and the other party (who could be at fault) have to have a difficult discussion. You’ve had them in the past with this person and they never go well.

Here’s what often happens: first, we will spend a lot of time leading up to the conversation thinking about our position, our stance, why we aren’t to blame… basically thinking about how we will try to convince the other person of something. Then you have the conversation and it proceeds the way it has in the past.

You both argue your own position and nothing really gets resolved. Afterward, we ruminate about the conversation, "Oh, I should have said this or I wish I had said that because *then* they would see my point."

So let’s think about how we can use the habit builder to handle conflict instead.