There is a difference between intention and impact. We tend to judge ourselves by our intentions and we judge other people by the impact. We’ve all said and all had it said to us “I didn’t intend to hurt you”. And we can get very caught up in what we want the other person to believe. We want them to understand that we didn’t *intend* to hurt them. But remember: what do you have control over? It’s definitely not other people’s thoughts or beliefs!

The part you have control over is to clarify your intention. You can describe your intention. This increases the chance that the other person will interpret your behavior the way you want them to. It doesn’t guarantee it, but it increases the likelihood. And it’s entirely under your control.

So this might sound like this like:

"I’m bringing up this awkward conversation because I think it’s important for us to discuss before it creates disagreements or conflict"

"I’m asking because I’d like to know more about what you’re doing"

"I’m asking out of curiosity, not judging your progress"

"I’m providing this feedback because I think it might be useful to you. You may or may not find it useful."