But now we have to return to our first point about Avoiding, which is that, overall, it is a harmful style and you should use it sparingly. In longer-term work relationships, avoiding generally creates unresolved issues that snowball. We tend to see an “avoid… avoid… avoid… explode” pattern that can do much more damage to working relationships than addressing issues early, while they are small.

When things get swept under the rug and not dealt with early, they escalate and people tend to become more upset, and now you have created a negative conflict spiral with a real problem to deal with. For example, research shows that ‘laissez-faire’ leaders who do not act to address small conflict when it is needed, foster greater bullying and mistreatment in their workplaces.

Avoiding is problematic when over-relied upon or when it takes you away from what matters to you. Avoiding then exploding is a common pattern we see in workplaces. If this is a pattern you see in yourself, we will encourage you to rely more heavily on the other strategies.

You can start by actively engaging in open communication, addressing concerns as they arise, and seeking constructive resolutions from your colleagues and team members–basically working to enhance your more collaborative conflict skills that we will discuss in another session. See the skills section to practice some of these skills.