First let’s talk about what we mean by conflict? In this course we define a conflict at work as a disturbance in your relationship with someone you need to interact with or depend on at work. We say “a disturbance” because not all conflict looks like an argument - it can look like an eyeroll, not saying hello in the hallway, or interrupting or talking over someone in a meeting.

If that disturbance brings with it negative emotions and a threat to something you care about (like your income or reputation), and it lasts longer than a short moment, you are in conflict. You can ask yourself the following questions to figure out if you’re in conflict. If you say yes to any of them, then you are in conflict with someone at work.

• Am I obsessing about what was said and what it means?

• Do I feel my heartrate pulsing faster or harder than usual? 

• Do I feel flushed or ‘hot’ in my face? Am I having trouble putting it aside and being with my family?